I feel sadness, regret and unworthiness with a touch of joy. I feel anger and tiredness. i feel like giving up. I don’t know what I want to give up on. At times I feel undermined and love. Don’t know how it works. I usually suppress my feelings. Most days I feel physically energised but emotionally empty or vice versa feel ashamed of who I am. When I exercise I feel motivated to take on the world. I feel as if I am shut out of my own heart. I feel like a stranger in my own life. I need direction. I need someone to listen to my story. I pride myself in my ability to listen just want to be heard. All I want is the freedom to be me. My eyes are all dried up of tears. I have no tears left to shed. Not a week goes past without me getting headaches. The continuous blame I have to endure doesn’t help much. I feel so lost. Am I a loser? I often find myself thinking that death sound like an option. Suicide ain’t an option. My heart has been silenced by whom? Who have I given the keys to the door of my heart to? Life is hard! All I wanna do is be me Speak my truth without fear of persecution. How do you speak your mind, when your own family silence you? Am I in the right family is a question that comes up often. Due to my fear of getting hurt my heart is kept in a vault. I have the keys to the vault. I just don’t know who has the keys to my heart. The reason my heart is in a box is because of past hurt and pains and disappointments and to keep it from people. My hearts desires come second to everything else. There is always something more important. Today I ask myself, what does my heart want? My heart is really hurt at this moment; its in pieces. I feel like packing my things and walking away from everything. The bruises and scars on my heart are painful. I have swallowed a lot of hurt. I have rarely said anything. I have done a lot. There is no reason why I should not suffer. Where is God in all of this?